We’re well into 2021, and I’ve only just logged in to write a blog. Why? What’s been going on?
After such a great big end to 2020, I’ve been finding my feet again, trying to understand where I head to next.
The Residents has been a huge part of my life for the previous 5 years and in many ways the publication of my book was a natural culmination of that hard work. It was something that motivated me to keep running to the finish line. While exhilarating, it also left me gasping for breathe.
I had decided that the end of the book project would be the end of the blog. It seemed that I had done all I wanted and it was time to let it to rest.
Since then, I’ve talked to some people I trust and love and have come to the conclusion that there will be no natural ‘ending’ the way I had hoped. I wanted things to be final, cut and dry, dispassionately done. I know that many of you are familiar with that name ‘The Residents’ and even if I took it down I would want to make another ‘Lucy’ website for me to have and to hold, somewhere I could post about new projects and writing events.
(It just makes sense to own something of ones own in this cursed social media age. Virginia Woulfe had a room of ones own. In 2021, it remains vital to - I believe - continue to keep a website of ones own.)
But - quite honestly - that didn’t make any sense. Why tear down a perfectly good house to build a tent in its place?
So - naturally - I left it and ignored the whole thing.
Therefore ending the blog did not come. Alas, for all the romantic drama I wanted to muster to stab this thing it isn’t how it has played out. I see lots of benefits to keeping this little part of the internet maintained, at least for now.
Where to from here? Well, I used to write three blogs a week. In more recent years, that number has dropped, but I always remained somewhat consistent. It was something that I could be accountable to. I see huge value in that and that alone. I think it was great, but it also took up lots of time. Now, I also want to make space for new projects, and exploring fiction. Which means - while I work and live life - cutting back.
Eboni Waitere from Huia suggested writing a blog a month. Perhaps I will, but regardless what I KNOW that I do want to keep doing is writing, writing, writing. But it can’t always be on here. I don’t have the energy to flog myself as I once did. I plan to restart a writing practice but not in the way I’ve been used to where every instalment of my life was documented (well, a snapshot of my life at least).
While it was lots of fun in my twenties, in my thirties I don’t feel like playing for the gallery. In the last few years that the blog has become somewhat of a frustration due to its limited scope, completely of my own making. That’s the thing; if you write to please, as I’ve loved to do, you can end up tying yourself in a knot. I feel the desire to be more experimental again, to walk a different path and focus less on interviews and travel writing and more on telling stories.
So I am going to gently keep moving forward, occasionally feeding a morsel to those who may have a slight interest in following my writing journey as it changes and evolves into the future.
Feeling chilled on my Christmas break. Little did I realise I wasn’t even starting to relax yet and recover from the bonkers year I had.
I thought endings were easy, but it turns out they’re no more simple than the beginning and the middle parts. I’ll never be totally able to let this little piece of me go that lives here. It’s taught me so much and helped to foster amazing friendships.
But I have to say a little farewell to it of sorts, farewell to the bit of me that needs constant online approval by simply showing up in favour of something with more substance, more meaty, something that will last longer.
Another book.
For those of you who managed to read this far, I’m truly impressed. I’ll continue to try and be as natural as I can and rabbit away when it feels right.
And if you feel that this isn’t for you, thanks for being here for now. All my archives of blogs will remain. Feel free to drop in if you ever feel like having a poke around.
I might drop a book review sometime or keep up the odd blog, but this is going to become an altogether somewhat looser affair and I’m happy for that freedom.
PS. I am speaking at Featherston Book Town on 7 May. It’s sure to be interesting and generate lots of good conversations. I’m talking on a panel about journeys to publication focusing on self publishing. Book here!!