Now we are….30. It feels like only yesterday I was turning 25, dancing the night away at my first (and only) proper self-hosted house-party in Mount Victoria. It was at that party Matt and I had our second ever date. Where has the time gone eh?
As mentioned in previous blog posts, I had a certain amount of anxiety about turning 30. Bizarrely, I felt guilty. There’s a societal pressure to have it all together by the time you reach the big three-zero. The truth is, I really don’t! And this bothered me…
This year has been one of significant change; Matt and I got engaged; became nomadic, and started house-sitting for almost an entire year (still going); have lived in Ngaio, Greytown, Newtown, Hataitai, Brooklyn and soon Roseneath and Karori; we both changed jobs; we’ve saved; we’ve hugged; we’ve fought; and attempted to plan a wedding (sometimes reasons were cross-related). There have been moments where I’ve really felt the pressure get to me, especially with a few not-nice shocks at the start of the year (it isn’t nice to read out of context stuff about yourself online - IT SUCKED). I’ve needed a professional to give my mental health a little extra support (I’m a big believer in a few counselling or psychologist sessions every few years, just to release any build-up of emotion anyway). There have been tears, anxiety episodes and a few tantrums. There have been twists and turns, ups and downs, and a few strange side tangents we didn’t see coming.
There are also a few other things up my sleeve, dear reader, which I can’t quite talk about yet but are fairly major life changes (one specifically relates to this blog but it’s too early to share with you).
What with everything else going on, organising a birthday felt like just another thing on the to-do list (ditto organising our recent honeymoon plans).
For a while, I couldn’t decide I really felt like or wanted to do.
Truth be told, I just felt like eloping by myself.
But then I got this nagging feeling…
While on our little mid-year break away I had an epiphany. I realised: I’m very lucky to still be living in the city I grew up in.
In fact, as I’m getting older it seems even more of a blessing. I don’t really have many friends who lived overseas. Actually, when I stop and think about it, they all still live in New Zealand. So pining after being somewhere else felt pointless.
It all eventually came to a bit of a head: I imagined looking back with regret that I didn’t have the stomach to do something, and missed out on my chance to bring together the people I loved most. Yes, Matt and I had the wedding to look forward to; but I’m my own person too. I wanted to celebrate ME, just me on my own. My thirtieth year was a chance to thank all the people who’ve been there for me.
It felt like there was no choice but to embrace the big party-lunch-vibes.
So I decided to book a big lunch hosting as many of my friends as would come. We held it at Noble Rot because of their amazing wine list and excellent menu.
This year felt especially poignant.
If I look back on 2019, what has got me through is my friends. They’re an amazing bunch.
In particular, Amelia, Hayley, Maria, Gina and Mel have given me a very special sense of place this year. I feel so grateful that I get to be around when babies are born, and embark on a new phase in our lives with them. I can talk to them about almost anything going on in life. They are a bottomless well of empathy and kindness. I’m so grateful for their love. Since approaching this life milestone, I’ve developed a deeper, richer appreciation for these women.
This blog has manifested new friends too. There’s the raincoat entrepreneur who inspires me with her single-minded vision. There’s my 73-year-old bestie. There’s the reader-turned-friend who helped me find my latest work role. There are the practical pals who gave me incredible PR advice when I couldn’t think straight in the midst of a crisis (not a fun place to be). If it weren’t for starting up this project, I’d have never have met these excellent, clever, and dashingly lovely ladies.
The truth is, I started this blog to enrich my life in Wellington and to help find new ways to connect with the city I’d grown up in. I made a contract with my creativity to build a reputation as a writer and to meet some interesting people along the way.
And when I look back, that’s what happened. I wanted to be recognised as having talent as a creative in my own right, not just as a bod-for-hire-lawyer. I wanted to be able to work and write, as opposed to leaving my existing career behind and going full-time into a creative writing course with no guarantees I’d be successful or get work at the end.
I remember sitting on the porch of my old flat 5 years ago, saying to my flatmate that one day I wanted to be able to work three days a week and spend the other two days working on my own projects. She laughed at me and said it was impossible. Although I might not have quite achieved this, I am well on my way. I now work 4.5 days a week, and juggle freelance policy, writing and sponsored blog content on the side. I’m also earning good money. I’d like to say, zooming out, things ain’t so bad.
I’ll raise my glass to that. Happy 30th (we’ll it was a month ago - but who’s counting?!). Here’s to being your most authentic self in whatever stage in life you’re at, and not being afraid to own your place in the world…(you can put that on an inspirational quote and pin it)!